Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
