How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
