I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why didn't you poke me back
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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