I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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