i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
