one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
