Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
