dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
