Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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