Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
