I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
