How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
