i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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