is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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