____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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