Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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