he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
