well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am one with the molecules
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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