Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
