I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
