you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
