That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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