I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
