I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
