i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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