How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
