I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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