I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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