i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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