My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
