Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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