When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
