I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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