the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
