I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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