I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
