yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
