he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
