You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
