I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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