I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
