My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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