I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
