According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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