I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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