he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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