Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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