apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
