i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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