WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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