We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
