Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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