I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
