there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
