she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
