I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
