Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.