Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season