can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?