Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my poor anus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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