I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
