a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
