Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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