Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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