i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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