Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
