The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
