Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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