Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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