Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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