I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
false alarm, still single
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
