WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
